I must admit that even after 18 years of corporate and startup experience, conflicts disturb me, scare me and I go to extraordinary lengths to avoid them. And as managing conflict becomes a daily part of my life, I am slowly and steadily realising that, that is not the best way to deal with them.
As the founder of a venture-funded health-tech startup that has now exited to international investors, I’m now in the unenviable stage of not just managing conflict – not just my own but also for setting a tone for how conflict is managed within the teams that I now administer…both within my startup and amongst stakeholders.
On managing conflict
Conflict is generally defined as “a serious disagreement or argument, usually a protracted one!”.
And when disagreements are serious and protracted, it is usually because they relate to deeply held beliefs & opinions, either in areas of domain expertise or in the value systems of teams. And handling these kind of conflicts is tricker than most, because you are essentially trying to mediate between what people hold most dear – their opinions of themselves!
Conflicts can accordingly be managed or avoided, and from decades in the corporate and startup ecosystem doing both, here are the top 3 key learnings that I think you could benefit from.
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1) Conflict clears the air!
Too many people, too many opinions, suppressed too long, are a perfect recipe for disaster. They will explode one day and the results won’t be pretty. Well-managed conflict is like a pressure cooker valve – it releases the tension in small, manageable bursts! The key here, however is the term, ‘well-managed!’.
So, as a team leader, don’t be afraid of the occasional situation of conflict. Either between you & your team members or within your team.
Don’t shy away from it.
Don’t lose your sense of courtesy. Remember that using abusive language is a strict no-no. But also don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind & what you believe in either!
You are where you are to add value. And you can’t do that if you don’t speak up, even if it is within your team, to people who you respect and care about!
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2) Conflict exposes the truth!
When you’re worried, angry, irritated or drunk, the truth emerges. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
It hurts initially but its cathartic. It cleanses.
This is especially important within teams where it is easy to fall into toxic behaviour patterns. We have all seen them. Patterns like complaining, whining and being seriously ungrateful. Or at worst, bitching or even conspiring about team members and superiors behind their backs.
Such unhealthy behaviour needs to be called out, even at the risk of creating conflict and tension. Then and only then, will unwitting, unhealthy behaviours stand exposed. Boundary lines will then be drawn and some people will retreat licking their wounds, but will be wiser for the same.
3) Conflict is necessary for successful delegation!
Show me a team that works together from day 1 and I’ll show you a liar!
Teams are made of people and all people think differently. Team thinking takes time to align. And as a team leader, it is your job to ensure that teams can compromise and come together to follow a commonly-agreed upon path, even with diverse points of view and opinions,
And to get to that happy state, along the way, people will come into conflict! Your teams will fight, they will learn and then they will figure out a way to work together. But if you keep putting yourself in the middle then that will not happen! First give them a chance to solve the problem before it escalates to a conflict situation,
If that happens, then your team will learn to work together independently. If not, you’ll become a nanny.
Be a parent, not a nanny!
In conclusion, where there are people, there is conflict. But well-managed conflict can be a tool for growth!
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